The Book I’m Writing

It’s not the book I thought I would be writing. As an avid reader I always figured I had a few good novels of my own somewhere inside. All I really needed to do was take a little time to sit down and write them. Turns out, that is like thinking I have a tight pecs and a good six pack inside me and the only thing I need to do to let them out is just take a little time to exercise.  Both of those strategies work about as well as you would expect. Working out is hard work. So is writing.

So, instead I started a journal. Just a paragraph about what happened that day. The space available is purposefully limited. I have to make a conscious choice about what events to include and there is no room for pontification or commentary. The forces scarcity, however, has had an interesting effect. I am more willing to start writing because I know I don’t have to write very much. But then I am left wanting to write more and that spills over into other projects (this blog being one of them). By setting a very small, daily obligation for myself I reap a significantly outsized result.

The Missing Book

I was looking for a book about how to better engage with my son about his primary interest: gaming. Everywhere I looked I saw books bemoaning the dangers of video games, how to limit video game play, and what to do if your kid has become addicted to video games and started worshipping satan.

What I didn’t see was anything that would tell me the difference between a FPS and a Strategy game.
Nothing that explained what Nerf’d means. How should I talk about the difference in game play between Team vs Solo games. The distinction between casual vs campaign and is there a gender disparity in the player populations. Where should I turn for news on the gaming industry and its implications to the job market for a kid about to go into university. Techniques I should be impressed by when pulled off in a game.

I work in technology. I’m adept at googling shit online. I am reasonably confident I could find the answers to all of these questions. I have, in fact, seen article in major news papers about the increasing number of esports college scholarships. But there are a lot of parents like me (non-gamers) who may not be as accustomed to turning to technology to get answers. When they search bookstore shelves all they get is a  message of the evils of gaming. Nothing about the fun and exhilaration these kids get from playing. It may look the same as sandlot baseball or basketball in the driveway, but it is.

Book Club

So  I have a group of friends at work that have been meeting up every month or so for drinks and dinner. Invariably the conversation will turn to the books we are reading; both good and bad. As the New Year often extracts resolutions from even the most resolute, we decided to make it official and call a shovel a shovel. We now have a book club.

In the true spirit of immediately breaking our resolution, our first joint reading assignment is no book at all. Rather, we are reading through some of the land mark cases of the US Supreme Court. Our aim, amidst all the disinformation and daily cycle of outrage, is to return to first principles and primary sources. Here is our list for February’s meeting:

• Plessy v Ferguson - 1869
• Brown v Board of Education - 1952
• Griswold v Connecticut - 1965
• Loving v Virginia - 1967
• Roe v Wade - 1973
• Obergefell V Hodges - 2015
• Lawrence v Texas - 2003

This has been slow going for me. Normally I am in a flow state when reading. It takes actual effort to break out. This has been the opposite. It is a struggle to parse the leagalize. To match defendant and appellant. To follow the references to past cases and foundation of other court decisions. But at the same time, it has been worth the effort. To see the arc of history slowly bend towards justice...if you will allow me the paraphrase.

I would never call this pleasure reading, but I would recommend you pick a few topics near and dear to your heart. Find out what a few relevant, key cases are and read them.

Groundless

I wanted to like this book. It should have hit all the points:

• I'm a coffee enthusiast 
• I'm a big fan of dual use buildings and city life
• I like strong, female characters...I even married one. 
• I read a lot of mysteries

Despite all the ingredients being present, On What Grounds (first in the Coffeehouse Mystery series) just didn't come together for me.

This wasn’t my first foray into the cozy mystery genre, but it may be a while till I revisit. I could put up with a lot of poor decisions being made by the protagonist. Even all the relationship angst didn’t bother me too much; it comes with the territory, after all. My biggest complaint with this book is that Cleo Coyle got most of the coffee info wrong. It’s the central shtick of the book and the characters don’t seem to know the difference between a dark or a light roast and the resultant flavor profiles. It was quite off-putting.

Speaking of Competence Triggers, this was really detracted from my ability to trust the author to be accurate and correct in areas outside my own knowledge base.

Competence Trigger

It may be an oldie, but it was new to me. I came across a reference to Patrick McKenzie’s post about salary negotiation on his blog: kalzumeus.com. Not only was his voice one I enjoyed reading, but he articulated some issue that had been rolling around in my head in a less formed state.

One aspect that really stood out was his reference to Ramit Sethi’s Competence Triggers. I have been doing this for years when ordering espresso. A few questions allow me to quickly gate the barista’s knowledge and understanding of coffee.  This helps me not look like the asshole who continues to grill a person past their area of knowledge. However, you better believe I still make a judgment about about the person behind the counter …not to their worth as a sentient being, but certainly as to whether I would listen to anything they had to say about coffee. I had never thought of this in relation to salary negotiation and it is a really helpful mental bridge to cross.

As I think about my work and my area of expertise, it is clear that I and my colleagues make decisions quickly (let’s be charitable and call these First Impressions) about people we work with based on the first interaction. While that opinion can change, it isn’t easy and it never happens as fast as it was originally made.

Instead of bemoaning this fact, I will work hard to make sure I prepare for and trip the right Competence Triggers going forward.

Psychotic Entanglement

I bought a tarot card deck recently. I can’t decide if it was because I really like the art on this particular deck or if deep in some unacknowledged part of me I hope artifacts like that really do have power. The power to see what is coming and give us a chance to prepare.

While the jury is still out on the tarot cards, I can say, unequivocally, that Dr. Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled, delivers. Each time I pick up this book feels like a moment of clarity. That feeling you get when you find a map while in the middle of a confusing journey. Dr. Damour lays out with clarity (and accompanying examples) the transitions girls navigate as they move from childhood to being young adults. She groups then into seven main categories. Each section of the book is an aha moment. Ever wonder why your teenage daughter pushes you away while at the same time demanding you be her audience? Ever wonder why she’ll through and emotional bomb into the room and walk away with a smile?

I have one daughter in her mid teens and another just a few years behind. The behaviors that have me confused frustrated and angry are all put into context. While it doesn’t make the behaviors go away (and, in fact, explains why they are necessary and beneficial in the long run) they provide me with the context and lens to view what is happening. And, most importantly, to provide the support and encouragement that I can. To not turn every psychotic
(Dr. Damour’s words, not mine) action into a battle of wills or disciplinary fight. Instead, I can now roll with it. I can see behavior for what it is and what it is helping her to become.

In short, it is a great book and I highly recommend it.

Is blogging still a thing?

I used to read Seth Godin on a somewhat regular basis. He would (and still does, evidentially) post to his blog daily. Sometimes they were long posts and sometimes short, but he had the discipline to put stuff up there (out there?) every single day.

Recently I have been experimenting with ways to to quiet what is going on in my head so I can focus on other things. I keep returning to the idea that originally spurred me to start a blog in the first place. Getting my thoughts down on paper and sharing it for who ever might be interested. Not as a journal or diary or form of therapy (all have their places), but because there are things I enjoy talking about and would like to contribute to the worlds’ conversation.

With that said, I still haven’t decided if I will continue to focus just on what I am reading or expand the topics. I’m also undecided about staying on Google’s Blogger platform. I have to admit, I was surprised it even still existed.

What could have been...

A genre I am enjoying right now is alternate history. This may be due to a spate of engaging authors I have run across lately. If, however, I exercise a little Socratic self-examination my fondness for the genre most likely stems from my diminishing opportunities to do things differently.

Now don't get me wrong; I have a good life, a good job making more than I should, a wife certainly better than I deserve, and two kids that make my heart ache at the thought of their exposure to the world we live in...but...

There is always a but. I love the idea of doing it again. Not because I am dissatisfied with the life I have; rather, there are so many live out there to be had it is a tragedy we are limited to only one.